Here & now
Time has always amazed me. It's so elusive, so temporary and yet so permanent. It's constant passing is a reminder to practice Aparigraha, the challenging art of non-attachment. Time reminds me that everything is fleeting; that moments are meant to be enjoyed but released. It reminds me that I am water; fluid, adaptable, and free. And just like time, I continue to flow.
As someone who spends a lot of time fixated on the future, its upsetting to think about all of the time that passes where I'm not mentally present. Of course I'm aware of this habit and have a whole list of daily practices to keep me present. But it is a constant practice. A mental tug-of-war between daydreaming and snapping out of it.
I'm coming up on my final weeks in Puerto Rico and reflecting on the last 4 months spent on this island. They've been nothing short of transformative and introspective. A complete roller coaster of emotions, experiencing my usual happiness highs and my not so usual loneliness lows. It's been exciting, its been boring, its been easy, and its been difficult. Most of all, its been enlightening. I've spent a lot of time alone with myself, facing thoughts, grievances, and insecurities that I didn't even know existed. It's been inspiring and motivating. I've invested more time into my creative expressions than ever before and am filled to the brim with ideas. Excited about what the future holds, I'm trying to ground myself in the present moment and place my trust in the universe, knowing that it will always push me in the right direction if I simply have the faith to surrender and allow it to guide me.
Rewind to a year ago, I was finishing up my European and Asian travels and preparing to head home for summer. I remember being so fixated on answering the question of where I would end up after the summer. I had an idea of what I wanted in a place but not an idea of where that place could be. I decided not to worry about it. I knew I had at least 5 months ahead of me at home so I figured in that time it would work itself out. Once I stopped thinking about it, things started to shift. Suddenly it became very clear that Puerto Rico was my next stop. A place that honestly never crossed my mind as a possibility but presented itself in an all convincing way and then welcomed me with open arms. When I landed here I knew immediately that it was exactly where I needed to be. And that has proved to be more and more true with each passing day. This island has nurtured me and provided the fertile soil in which I needed to grow. The forward momentum continues. I'm learning to soften. To slow down. To just be. It isn't easy, as it seems that my natural state is one of doing rather than being but it is true that hanging on and persevering during those uncomfortable times provide the greatest amount of growth. In allowing myself to 'be', I have learned how to 'do' with more ease and less effort. In allowing my wounds to open, raw and exposed, I have allowed them to close and be healed. In allowing tears to flow and sadness to consume me, I have welcomed more smiles and genuine happiness than I can ever remember feeling. With darkness comes light. Yin and Yang. Everything is just as it should be; good and bad.
I've become more connected to my soul and found ease where I once had difficulty. I'm having more and more moments of complete and utter faith in the universe, allowing me to surrender my constant desire for control. And time after time I am astonished at the outcome. At how fast things arrange themselves and work out in my favor when I simply believe that they will. If only this feeling could be achieved all of the time, I'd never have any reason to worry! (It can by the way, I'm just still working on mastering it) It's that indescribable feeling of being in sync, allowing life to flow and unfold without resisting. And it doesn't mean sitting back and just letting life happen to you. It doesn't mean that at all. It means taking action when and where you are called intrinsically to take action. It means placing your trust in something greater than yourself and truly believing that you have a purpose, even if you don't know what that purpose is just yet. Its all about enjoying the journey and trusting that your path is leading in the right direction. Its allowing your heart to lead the way, rather than your head. Remembering that when times get tough, this too shall pass. There is always sunshine on the horizon so learn to fall in love with the rain. Flow with it, dance in it, become it, remember; you are water.
Cheers to past experiences, dreams of the future, and most importantly, cheers to the beauty of life that is happening right here, right now.